Client: I really don't know what to do; it seems like no one on my project likes me and I just don't know how to fit in.

Coach: What makes you think they don't like you?

Client: Well, at meetings they all talk about things I don't understand.

Coach: And how do you feel about that?

Client: Well, it makes me feel rotten - like there's some set of rules that I don't know about.

Coach: Can you give me an example?

Client: Yesterday we were going to plan how to respond to this performance problem, and the rest of them started talking about some project that happened before I even got here. I didn't know what they were talking about, and when I asked Sally got really impatient and just snapped that she would explain later.

Coach: That's right, I had forgotten that you haven't been there very long. Exactly what did you ask Sally?

Client: I think I said something like, "Could you tell me what you're talking about, because I'm not following."

I ask the client to bring the discussion back to what really happened and out of her general misery. Now the facts of the incident are out for both of us to work with.

Coach: Well, that sounds pretty reasonable. Why do you think she responded so impatiently?

Client: She just wants to be in charge of the whole show - she doesn't want to share any knowledge.

Coach: But she's been pretty supportive of you up until now; this sounds like a real change for her to cut you out deliberately. Can you think of anything else that might have been going on?

Client: No, not really.

Coach: When you asked your question, what was going on around the table?

I ask the client to go deeper into the experience, and the she is pretty negative. I encourage her to think more broadly about the context of Sally's remark.

Client: They were all pretty excited, and were scribbling numbers on the board like crazy. I guess they were pretty involved in it.

Coach: And how did they feel when you asked for the history?

Client: Well, maybe it was an interruption to them - I guess it could have been distracting.

It seems that the other team members were hard at work, so something else might be going on.

Coach: That sounds reasonable to me. They could have been more gracious about it, but it doesn't sound like they were deliberately snubbing you. What do you think?

Client: That could be, but I still didn't like it much.

I reassure the client about her new discovery, and check on her current emotions.

Coach: I can believe it - no one would like it. Could you have done anything differently?

Client: I suppose I could have been more insistent. I could have made them stop and tell me about the project. But that would just have made the situation worse.

Coach: Anything else?

Client: Well, I could have asked them for just the bare outline of the history and ...

Coach: And?

Client: And then followed up with Sally later.

Coach: How would you have felt about that?

Client: Well, I still wouldn't have been very productive in the meeting, but at least I would have felt like part of it. I guess it would have been an improvement.

I ask the client to choose an alternative approach: some other way that she could have handled the situation, and how she would have felt about it. I'm persistent in getting her to refine the alternative to something she can really accomplish.

Coach: Okay, will you have a chance to try out this strategy soon?

Client: Well, we didn't really finish, so we're meeting again tomorrow. I suppose I could do it then.

Coach: Good! When will you do it?

Client: At the start of the meeting, I guess - I don't want to be too intrusive.

Now I ask her to make a commitment to try out this new approach at a definite time.

Coach: So you'll ask them to ...

Client: .. to tell me the brief history of this old project, and then fill me in on the details later.

Coach: Can you do that?

Client: Yeah, that doesn't sound too hard.

Coach: Okay. Would you send me an email after the meeting to let me know how it went?

Client: Okay.

And finally she makes a specific commitment to try a new approach to her colleagues, and to let me know its outcome.